An insider's view on NATO defense planning

As I mentioned in another posting, defense planning is changing from a narrow focus on just the 'force' (units and platforms) to a broader sense of anything than can help us in achieving our defense (and security) objectives. So what used to be called 'force planning' within NATO is now called 'defense planning'. A few years back, a NATO colleague handed me a hilarious little blurb that had been written by some NATO force planner. There was no classification on it, so I see no reason not to post it. I cannot source it, although the Brigitte Bardot reference suggests it was probably written sometime in the late 60s or 70s; while the wording and the sneer at the type of English used may point to a British (or American) officer. For those of you with suspiscious minds (and let's face it - that does tend to be somewhat of a professional hazard in our line of work) let me assure you that I had absolutely nothing to do with this!!! J

NATO Force Planning is a paper exercise designed to establish what NATO would like but knows it cannot have and what Nations should provide but obviously won't. It is a way of life devoted primarily to the exploration of that nomansland between the attainable and the unattainable, punctuated by an annual ceremony at which the former is discarded and the latter worshipped. It is a process employing the maximum number of personnel from the maximum number of agencies, most of whom spend the maximum amount of time attending the maximum number of conferences at which the minimum amount of progress and the minimum number of decisions are made. It is like an astronaut's nightmare: it took years to launch, but now it will never return to earth again and, moreover, it is travelling powerless and uncontrolled to an unknown destination which cannot in, any case be reached.
Despite this condemnation, NATO Force Planning has had its successes. It has taught its devotees the art of using words where one would do and expressing the simplest statement in a way which is open to countless misinterpretations. It has established the extremely useful principle that any statement of significance is best buried In one hundred pages of meaningless jargon so that the reader is unlikely ever to discover which statement is intended to be significant, thus ensuring that its validity will never be challenged. It has generated a brand new language which, although at first sight bears a vague, resemblance to English, is unintelligible to members of the Alliance, particularly the British; this effectively reduces international friction because it is very difficult to argue when you do not understand what has been said. It has made available many millions of dollars, which might otherwise have been wasted on eradicating starvation and disease, for the benefit of NATO officers wishing to sample the delights of European capitals (this is probably the only real justification for its continuance). It has also caused the biggest bonanza in the paper-producing industry since the invention of the toilet roll. If you are the type of man who ignores an open invitation from the cross-eyed nymphomaniac next door in order to gaze dreamily at a film of Brigitte Bardot, you have every qualification for a successful career in NATO Force Planning. You will probably die prematurely of intense frustration, but you wil never be asked to get involved in sordid realities.